I think there comes a point in every blog (or maybe just mine) when the writer takes a hiatus, forgetting about the blog completely and, whenever she entertains the idea of getting back to it, decides it has just been too long and continues to move about life, knowing she will never have to write about it again.  Well, because I told myself I would blog my ENTIRE journey here, I figure quitting in November is not an option.  I'm not even sure what I wrote the last time I decided to sit down and reflect, but I could guess it had something to do with sun, school, learning, changing, growing, etc.  And all of those things are still very true and relevant.  For example, today the temperature is in the high 70s while the temps back home are in the teens!  I awoke this morning not to an alarm, but to the sunshine beaming through my bedroom window.  The past month in school has been an incredibly humbling, moving, and especially challenging time.  I was blessed to be able to go home for a few days over Thanksgiving and spend the holiday with family and friends.  In one week I went from laying by the ocean on beautiful South Beach to walking across a frozen lake in Central Minnesota.  November and December have treated me well.

Lately I've been trying to focus on myself.  It may sound kind of odd, but the great majority of my time is spent with other people.  LOTS of other people.  And the majority of those people are between the ages of 11 and 15, full of joy one moment and screaming in frustration the next.  They demand all of your attention and give you none of theirs.  They test and try you, challenge your authority, ignore you, depend on you, and require something beyond simply showing up.  I am so grateful for these people.  But, when the day is over, I am usually ready for some peace and quiet.  More than ready - I need it.

Showing up every day and working with my students calls for authenticity.  If anyone can tell when you aren't being true or sincere, it's middle schoolers.  They also have no problem calling you out on it.  Why would they take seriously anything I have to say if they sense it is not coming from a genuine place?  Further, why would they want to listen to or trust me if they didn't feel that I truly care for or believe in them?  These are the questions I ask myself everyday, and the ones I try to spend time with in the quiet.  Focusing on myself is what led me to venture off to the beach by myself last weekend.  After spending an hour and a half on buses and trains, I found a spot on the sand where I stayed for 4 hours.  Though the beach was crowded with vacationers and locals alike, I still felt a peaceful sense of solitude.  When I returned to school Monday, my lunch girls (who are the MOST brutally honest) told me that I seemed a lot 'better'.  Apparently the previous week I had been very sassy and 'rude'.  Wow!  I had gone to the beach in search of balance for myself, and the ripple effects were noticed the very next day by those around me.

Certainly my job is not unique in requiring authenticity, for ultimately life demands from all of us what these middle school students need from me every day.

 

See you in a week, MN!